Being Nice Versus Being Kind

We have all been asked to be "nice" at one point or another. We were either pulling our sister's hair out, going through an employee orientation or going to marriage counseling (which, by the way, is a great thing to do every once in a while to keep things running well). The cultural pressure towards niceness is practically a force of nature at this point. It pushes us to do many great things like give people hugs when they're crying, tell our kids to play fair and share, and is the reason why we sometimes force a smile when we're not really feeling it. But is niceness really all there is? Is there something better than being nice? In the book of Micah, the titular prophet lived in the ancient, southern kingdom of Judah. He recognized a deep disconnect between what God had instructed his fellow Israelites to do and what they were actually doing. The leaders were corrupt and the overall culture was self focused. They ignored God and his life, and it cost them dearly. What was God's response to all of this? Micah says, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (‭‭Micah‬ ‭6:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬).

Broken World

God's solution to a broken world is not niceness. It's justice, kindness and humility. For this post, I'm going to focus in on kindness. So what's the difference between niceness and kindness? I know for me, that distinction was lost on me for so long. I always thought they were just two words for the same basic thing.

"Being nice" is avoiding pain at all costs when dealing with someone's hurt. "Being kind" is doing what it takes, even if it's painful at times, to bring healing or justice. Niceness is focused on avoiding pain; kindness is focused on the goal of bringing restoration and healing. For example, the nice thing to do when someone has badly broken their leg is to give them some pain killers and help them sit comfortably. The kind thing to do is to reset the bone, as painful as that may be. Which approach brings temporary comfort? Which approach invites long-term healing?

Let me be clear: I am on not on a crusade against niceness here. I think it's a vital part of God's plan. Jesus commanded that we comfort those who are mourning and hurting. However, niceness is not the central heart of Christianity. Kindness comes in many forms, but it always has a long-term, even eternal perspective to it. Kindness for you may be speaking to someone about Jesus today. It may mean approaching your spouse about that issue that you've been too afraid to broach because it may hurt their feelings. Maybe it's doing the right thing at work, even if it means that someone else gets what they need a little later.

The Story Arc of Ultimate Kindness

At its core, kindness is focused on the restoration of this broken world. This is, after all, what the entire story arc of the Bible is all about. People, in their desire to define good and evil for themselves, rebelled against God. God, in his kindness, sends his son to live in this shattered world, being mocked, beaten and crucified so that his perfect son's death could pay for our sins. Does that sound like the nice thing to do, or the kind thing to do? God's kindness moved him to do something that was incredibly painful in order to obliterate sin. His kindness has opened the way for us to be truly, sacrificially kind.

Near the end of the Bible, we see the fruit of all kindness blossom:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'” (Revelation 21:1-5 ESV)

Notice how God phrases that last sentence. He doesn't say, "I'm making all new things." He says, "I'm making all things new."  The difference here is that he is not interested in wiping away all of creation. He wants to restore each and every thing to the way he intended them to be.

Our calling, which God declared through Micah in the verse we looked at earlier, is to participate in this overhaul of creation by our kindness. God's sacrifice motivates kindness that changes the world. God's sacrifice motivates kindness that changes the world.

For more about God's kindness, check out this post. For more about the topic of sin and restoration, check out this post.

Question:  When were you "nice" recently when you should have been "kind"? What are some things you could think about today that could help you be more kind in the future?